So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
