I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
