We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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