can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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