i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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