shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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