I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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