I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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