you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
