I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
