Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
