I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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