4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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