had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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