I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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