My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
