he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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