my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
