I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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