He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
