I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
