Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize