my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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