dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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