hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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