matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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