I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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