Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
