Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
