I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
