dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
