Already got asked if we're dating
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
