remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
