I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
