Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize