that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
