So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think your dad took our porno
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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