I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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