U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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