I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
