my sisters under your porch take her home
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
