dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
