I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize