Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize