She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
