his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
