Someone shit on the floor
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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