Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
