drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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