Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
