Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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