omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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