She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
