These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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