I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
