Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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