I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
