I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
