I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Two words: nipple clamps
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