i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
