Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i barfeds in our rink
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
