I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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