please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
