His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
