Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
