I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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