My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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