i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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